On June 3rd, 2017, I had to say another goodbye to someone I love dearly: my dad.
I was at work when I got a message from my aunt (dads brothers wife), to call dads girlfriend. At that point, I was getting deja vu from when my mom passed. I always feared that I would get the phone call at work. It is a pet peeve when someone calls and says “Call when you get this”. So I called immediately and she told me she needed me. I grabbed my stuff and right in the middle of an event I was helping with, I left (fortunately the mother of the bride was super understanding).
I drove as fast as I could and of course there were a handful of obstacles put in my way for whatever reason: detours, traffic, etc. When I finally got to the hospital, she had told me that he had passed. Shortly after I had found out that he had a heart attack and passed, I had to make numerous phone calls and decisions. It was so hard. I could barely take it all in before the hospital and funeral home needed answers.
It has been a week since hes passed, and what a week it has been. So many ups and downs, laughs and tears. We have started going through the house, which has been hard. The hardest part though is that when mom passed, dad told us we could just keep my sister and I’s things and her things in the house. So now not only am I cleaning out dads things (what little he had in there), but also mine and moms things. It is like I am reliving it all and then some. Between legal things and personal things, it is an emotional roller coaster.
Last Wednesday night, my husband and I went to much needed prayer service at the church. I was nervous at first, partially because I was not sure if I was able to be social yet; but God is more important than my social uncomfortableness. We went and it was just what I needed. The first 20 minutes we were there, I literally stood there blank, not sure what to say or think. I dont think my mind has ever been so empty. I didnt know what to say. I began to worship and call out to God, not only thanking him for the time I had with dad but for bringing him into my life. I apologized for being so angry. I know he knows my heart and even with the anger and for asking why.
After I had a much needed moment, God then spoke to me and said that this is why He prolonged me publishing my book. Every time I tried to publish, something happened or didnt happen. Editors fell through, or the money we saved had to go to something else much more important. I will be adding another chapter to the end of the book before publishing. My goal was to have it published July 17th, moms anniversary date, but I am not sure that is going to happen. It is all in His timing, and I know it will be perfect.
So stay tuned… 😉